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Guess who’s a pathetic example of a sci-fi fan?

August 28, 2013
Man being a man

“Imagine me needing someone. Back on Earth I never did. Oh, there were women. Lots of women. Lots of love-making but no love. You see, that was the kind of world we’d made. So I left, because there was no one to hold me there.” — this fucking guy

Yeah, it’s me. I’m the pathetic example. Until recently I hadn’t seen two talkie-type genre staples. Before I tell you which sci-fi works I had not seen until, like, a few weeks ago, you have to promise not to smite me, or stop reading my writing, or cease paying me if you’re a client.

OK. Here goes:

Planet of the Apes

The X-Files

I’m really not sure how this happened but it did. I just have to live with myself.

Recently I fixed these two black marks on my otherwise stellar sci-fi record. I watched Planet of the Apes just this week (it’s still fresh), and I’ve been working my way through The X-Files for the last month. And hoo, boy, I’ve got to say I’m pretty darn pleased with everything I’ve seen.

Let’s start with the classic: Planet of the Apes

What the fuck, Charlton Heston. I swear, if he swung his dick around that film’s set any harder, all the supporting cast members would have had black eyes. But really, though. I enjoyed the film. It was fun to watch, pretty hilarious and made me feel a bit uneasy (I really hate apes and monkeys.)

Yes, Heston’s character was merely an ego-driven dick who gets to bang, like, the hottest chick on the island who, conveniently, can’t talk (way to go, bro — up top.) But I did enjoy the themes in the film and as is with most films that were made in the late 60s, early 70s, I was way more creeped out by those god damn ape masks than any modern movie CGI ape. Good going, Planet of the Apes. I salute you and all of your over-acted, yelled, highly emotional verbiage.

And onto the 90s classic: The X-Files

Bleep, blop, bloop. You're dead.

Bleep, blop, bloop. You’re dead.

I’m hooked on this damn show. I think I’m clocking, like, a season a week? That’s insane for me. I’m not one of these humans that’s all, “binge watch or die!” I like to take my time watching shows at a low and slow pace, but with The X-Files, I like it hard and fast (dirty). I’m on season two and am more than halfway done with the shows. One thing I’ve gotta say, though: Mulder is an ego-freak. What woman would ever find this fool attractive? Psh. Now, if I find him intoxicating and appealing by the end of the series, I’ll let you all know, but at this point it’s no dice, buddy. No dice at all.

So, sci-fi lovers. Are there any films or staple shows that you’re ashamed of not seeing yet? Please tell me in the comments section.

Image: A National Acrobat

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 7, 2013 9:50 pm

    It is inexplicable..the “X Files” was purely addictive for me as well…and I am definitely not into ‘sci-fi’…

    • Abbie Stutzer permalink
      September 9, 2013 6:34 pm

      I know! I’m still watching through it, and every time I start a new episode, I think, “wow. This was made for me.” Constant shame.

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