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Making Kool-Aid Out of a Shit Sandwich

June 15, 2015

I’m sure they do you dirty bastard.

Summer has just about arrived in Lawrence, Kan. and it’s every bit as magical as I remember it years ago…

OK, it’s not magical, really. Thus far, Paul and I’s summer has consisted of the following non-magical, totally mundane, and massively irritating events:

– A terrible move where the moving company overcharged us for bad work.

– A raw sewage flood in the basement.

– A scrambled attempt to find a new home to move into, as our current home became an obvious temporary option.

– Job lost under weird circumstances.

This was basically my reaction after all the above stuff happened.

But all in all, Lawrence is still the somewhat magical and alluringly laid-back city it was when I first arrived here almost seven years ago. Except now, Lawrence is far more enjoyable because I’m no longer busting my ass to get to class on time. I’m just busting my ass to make sure all my clients are happy.

Bad happenings aside, Paul and I are happy we’re here because we’re 1. living together (he’s the best roommate ever), and 2. things have to get better. For real.

And because he and I are banking on our positive attitudes to propel us out of bummerville, I’ve spent time thinking of awesome, cheap things to do that are summer specific. Because if anything can buoy a sour mood, it’s summertime fun.

1. 70s sitcoms and Kool-Aid

Nothing is better than crashing on the couch and watching hours of “The Brady Bunch” while sipping grape, cherry, or lime Kool-Aid. And luckily, because Hulu exists, and I’m an adult and can drink a sugary beverage when I want, I can take part in this bad-ass summertime activity all the time. (For real, I work from home.) While I do plan on legit Kool-Aiding it up this summer, most weekends I’ll probably sub the empty calorie concoction with some club soda, sliced fruit, and vodka — because I’m a responsible adult.

2. Read trash

As a kid, I read Goosebumps all summer long. And as an adult, I plan on finally finishing the Motley Cru book I just found hiding in my grandmother’s car. (No, grandma wasn’t a Cru groupie, I misplaced it last year after my Arizona road trip.) I’m pretty sure my eyes will devour every disgusting inch (dirty) of that book in a few days, so I’d appreciate any other trashy book suggestions.

3. Start a project

In the past, every project I’ve started from June through Aug. was a success. I’m a superstitious person. so I plan on really diving into the few projects I want to succeed in the coming years now. And while I realize that real businesses are much harder to “make” succeed than, say, learning how to apply liquid eyeliner and lipstick, I still have that “can do” attitude that 16-year-old girl had who murdered those makeup tricks many years ago.

4. Watch a ton of horror

Alright. This one horror website started a series called “how to get into horror.” When I first read that headline, I yelled a few fuck-shits and thought “why does one have to learn how to get into horror?!” And then I realized that most younger people don’t have access to the killer VHS selection I picked through when I was a young, curious, soon-to-be-avid horror fan. Every summer, I’d walk down to the local video store and pick three videos a week to rent based on their covers. Then, after a stop at the Quick-Mart to buy three Clearly Canadians and a bag full of Fun Dip, Now and Later, and Starburst, I walked home and got my horror education. This summer, I will further my education in horror (it’s a continuing education, after all), and watch horror films on my streaming services (while also hitting up Liberty Hall), all while eating my current movie snack — tofu fries covered in Sriracha and kale, all chased with a goblet of high-alcohol Rose.

How are all your summer plans turning out? Have any god-awful things happened to you lately? I love terrible stories, so please share. Also: I’m curious — how many people reenact their childhood summer activities? Am I the only loser who does this?

Image: Jamie

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